Dutbatbell is a god.

She takes the form of an eight thousand metre long, vain whale.

Dutbatbell created a top quark five quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Dutbatbell, she will approve.

If you do not believe in Dutbatbell, she will hide angry, poisonous spiders in your dwelling place.

Dutbatbell's most sacred site is Dzhanka in Bulgaria.

Dutbatbell's Holy Commandments

1. Never look in ponds.

2. Always help whales.

3. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

4. Do not wear blue clothing.

5. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.