Ladcarlindad is a god.

It takes the form of a three hundred metre long, wise crow.

Ladcarlindad created the Small Magellanic Cloud three hundred thousand years ago.

If you believe in Ladcarlindad, it will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Ladcarlindad, it will torture you forever.

Ladcarlindad's most sacred site is Utti in Finland.

Ladcarlindad's Holy Commandments

1. Do not kill tortoises.

2. Erect a large tin sculpture of Ladcarlindad on top of all buildings.

3. Never eat green fruit.

4. Always help porpoises.

5. Never talk about seals.