Yarpomtrat is a god.

He takes the form of a chunky, slow dugong.

Yarpomtrat created a quark five billion years ago.

If you believe in Yarpomtrat, he will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Yarpomtrat, he will destroy your home galaxy.

Yarpomtrat's most sacred site is Gohrau in Germany.

Yarpomtrat's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about fire.

2. Always pray immersed in water.

3. Do not eat bananas.

4. Never write about the weak nuclear force.

5. Yarpomtrat loves gulls, so they must be honoured.