Bess is a god.

He takes the form of a rotund, impressive hydra.

Bess created an up quark six billion years ago.

If you believe in Bess, he will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Bess, he will hide angry, poisonous snakes in your dwelling place.

Bess' most sacred site is Brancion in France.

Bess' Holy Commandments

1. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

2. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

3. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

4. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

5. Always help snails.