Tarwaphim is a god.

He takes the form of a six hundred metre long, boastful wren.

Tarwaphim created Europe three quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Tarwaphim, he will celebrate by creating some universes.

If you do not believe in Tarwaphim, he will ignore you and hope you go away.

Tarwaphim's most sacred site is Troqueer in Scotland.

Tarwaphim's Holy Commandments

1. Never think ill of sick horses.

2. Never play with disobedient children.

3. Never wear green rings.

4. Never pour water over plants.

5. Do not stand on grass.