Jadwapton Dunyattgum is a god.

He takes the form of a chunky, merciless otter.

Jadwapton Dunyattgum created dark energy nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Jadwapton Dunyattgum, he will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Jadwapton Dunyattgum, he will not invite you to parties.

Jadwapton Dunyattgum's most sacred site is Penhale in England.

Jadwapton Dunyattgum's Holy Commandments

1. Jadwapton Dunyattgum must be the most important thing in your life.

2. Pray towards the east.

3. Do not commit murder.

4. Never talk about fire.

5. Do not dye your hair turquoise.