Govwankam is a god.

She takes the form of a very small, awesome donkey.

Govwankam created the planet Mars three billion years ago.

If you believe in Govwankam, she will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Govwankam, she will not invite you to parties.

Govwankam's most sacred site is Ringford in Scotland.

Govwankam's Holy Commandments

1. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Govwankam.

2. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

3. Erect a large zinc sculpture of Govwankam on top of all buildings.

4. Look mercifully on unfortunate badgers.

5. Never wear shorts.