Zussflantan is a god.

It takes the form of an eight thousand metre long, witless squid.

Zussflantan created Asia three hundred thousand years ago.

If you believe in Zussflantan, it will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Zussflantan, it will boil you in a big pot.

Zussflantan's most sacred site is Thethampakkam in India.

Zussflantan's Holy Commandments

1. Always help eagles.

2. Do not dye your hair red.

3. Erect a large aluminium sculpture of Zussflantan on top of all buildings.

4. Never hurt great tits.

5. Your children must be taught to worship Zussflantan.