Hottalpak is a god.

She takes the form of a three hundred metre long, idiotic lion.

Hottalpak created the Sombrero Galaxy two trillion years ago.

If you believe in Hottalpak, she will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Hottalpak, she will turn you into a puffin.

Hottalpak's most sacred site is Goat's Hole Cave in England.

Hottalpak's Holy Commandments

1. Retreat if six whales approach from the west.

2. Never look at black holes.

3. Your children must be taught to worship Hottalpak.

4. Never talk about fire.

5. Never wear brown ear rings.