Nurtonzan is a god.

It takes the form of a microscopic, emotional bee.

Nurtonzan created carbon eighteen thousand years ago.

If you believe in Nurtonzan, it will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Nurtonzan, it will turn you into a small brown duck.

Nurtonzan's most sacred site is Didy in Madagascar.

Nurtonzan's Holy Commandments

1. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

2. Show mercy to disobedient children.

3. Pray towards the west.

4. Never talk about fire.

5. Do not trade with those who eat cherries.