Bessragbestkabbenran is a god.

She takes the form of an exceedingly fat, happy seal.

Bessragbestkabbenran created the Sunflower Galaxy nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Bessragbestkabbenran, she will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Bessragbestkabbenran, she will turn you into a tree.

Bessragbestkabbenran's most sacred site is Maijoma in Mexico.

Bessragbestkabbenran's Holy Commandments

1. Never run in the presence of badgers.

2. Always make sure there are no moths in a building before entering it.

3. Never think about amino acids.

4. Walk at least eight thousand metres per day.

5. Do not drink alcohol.