Matmapdav is a god.

He takes the form of a small, kind grasshopper.

Matmapdav created an electron eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Matmapdav, he will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Matmapdav, he will boil you in a big pot.

Matmapdav's most sacred site is Monong in Botswana.

Matmapdav's Holy Commandments

1. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

2. Do not listen to music.

3. Never eat green fruit.

4. Feed all hungry goats.

5. Always make sure there are no whales in a room before entering it.