Tigquartmig Gad Yatteenvin is a god.

He takes the form of a microscopic, unsympathetic slug.

Tigquartmig Gad Yatteenvin created a down quark two thousand years ago.

If you believe in Tigquartmig Gad Yatteenvin, he will celebrate by creating some universes.

If you do not believe in Tigquartmig Gad Yatteenvin, he will laugh at you.

Tigquartmig Gad Yatteenvin's most sacred site is Issigeac in France.

Tigquartmig Gad Yatteenvin's Holy Commandments

1. Never write about horizontal gene transfer.

2. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

3. Walk at least three thousand metres per day.

4. Run away from gray ducks, for they are unholy.

5. You must never eat spinach.