Bedtambep is a god.

He takes the form of a plump, selfish monkey.

Bedtambep created Asia nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Bedtambep, he will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Bedtambep, he will send five hundred and sixty eight geese to peck you to death.

Bedtambep's most sacred site is Brechfa in Wales.

Bedtambep's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink water in purple rooms.

2. Never talk about frogs.

3. Do not wear silicon on your body.

4. Never think about comets.

5. Fast once a month.