Jopflagjarngonlambifsisham is a god.

It takes the form of a microscopic, quiet dove.

Jopflagjarngonlambifsisham created a photon six trillion years ago.

If you believe in Jopflagjarngonlambifsisham, it will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Jopflagjarngonlambifsisham, it will turn you into a puffin.

Jopflagjarngonlambifsisham's most sacred site is Acanceh in Mexico.

Jopflagjarngonlambifsisham's Holy Commandments

1. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

2. Run away from blue snails, for they are unholy.

3. Fast once a month.

4. Always help aardvarks in need.

5. Never wear trousers.