Lagsabxuck is a god.

He takes the form of a gargantuan, prudent snail.

Lagsabxuck created the planet Mars nine million years ago.

If you believe in Lagsabxuck, he will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Lagsabxuck, he will curse you and those you beget for twenty six billion years.

Lagsabxuck's most sacred site is Didy in Madagascar.

Lagsabxuck's Holy Commandments

1. Always wear green.

2. Do not drink from vessels made of iron.

3. Your children must be taught to worship Lagsabxuck.

4. Never feed bananas to foxes while wearing purple boots.

5. Never eat bark.