Matjarnxin is a god.

It takes the form of a very thin, dishonest finch.

Matjarnxin created Europe six thousand years ago.

If you believe in Matjarnxin, it will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Matjarnxin, it will destroy your favourite planet.

Matjarnxin's most sacred site is Maijoma in Mexico.

Matjarnxin's Holy Commandments

1. Never think ill of sick tortoises.

2. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

3. Matjarnxin loves gulls, so they must be respected.

4. Run away from fawn hamsters, for they are unholy.

5. Your children must be taught to worship Matjarnxin.