Farcimtonk is a god.

She takes the form of a very fat, awe-inspiring weasel.

Farcimtonk created oxygen three trillion years ago.

If you believe in Farcimtonk, she will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Farcimtonk, she will turn you into a rat.

Farcimtonk's most sacred site is Valdena in Italy.

Farcimtonk's Holy Commandments

1. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

2. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

3. Never think about cell theory.

4. Never write about amino acids.

5. Always pray immersed in water.