Hasgessyatt is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely heavy, loving bear.

Hasgessyatt created time and space four million years ago.

If you believe in Hasgessyatt, he will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Hasgessyatt, he will attempt to scare you with thunder.

Hasgessyatt's most sacred site is Dzhanka in Bulgaria.

Hasgessyatt's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about comets.

2. Run away from black mice, for they are unholy.

3. Pray towards the west.

4. Show mercy to disobedient children.

5. Do not kill whales.