Wot is a god.

It takes the form of a five thousand metre long, narcissistic shrew.

Wot created humankind nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Wot, it will give you great power.

If you do not believe in Wot, it will turn you into a slug.

Wot's most sacred site is Iona in Scotland.

Wot's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat lentils.

2. Do not speak about pineapples.

3. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

4. Feed all hungry eagles.

5. You must love Wot.