Paktiplakflab is a god.

He takes the form of a giant, kind jackal.

Paktiplakflab created the Black Eye Galaxy four billion years ago.

If you believe in Paktiplakflab, he will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Paktiplakflab, he will turn you into a sparrow.

Paktiplakflab's most sacred site is Hetta in Finland.

Paktiplakflab's Holy Commandments

1. Do not stand on grass.

2. Always take life seriously.

3. Always make sure there are no gulls in a building before entering it.

4. Never talk about gravity.

5. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.