Lagpibtim is a god.

He takes the form of a three hundred metre long, sage gnu.

Lagpibtim created vertebrates four billion years ago.

If you believe in Lagpibtim, he will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Lagpibtim, he will send twenty two thousand, three hundred, and seventy eight badgers to sort you out.

Lagpibtim's most sacred site is Avebury Stone Circle in England.

Lagpibtim's Holy Commandments

1. Look mercifully on unfortunate cats.

2. You must pray to Lagpibtim seven times a day.

3. Never skip in the presence of pigs.

4. Always make sure there are no otters in a room before entering it.

5. Never talk about the strong nuclear force.