Tapjinomin is a god.

He takes the form of a corpulent, staggering unicorn.

Tapjinomin created water six trillion years ago.

If you believe in Tapjinomin, he will celebrate by creating some galaxies.

If you do not believe in Tapjinomin, he will destroy your favourite star.

Tapjinomin's most sacred site is Wukan in China.

Tapjinomin's Holy Commandments

1. Hide from mauve badgers for they are unholy.

2. Never go into blue rooms.

3. Always help porpoises in need.

4. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

5. Feed all hungry capybaras.