Pakhatnib is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely large, passionate raccoon.

Pakhatnib created a photon eighteen thousand years ago.

If you believe in Pakhatnib, she will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Pakhatnib, she will come to you in dreams.

Pakhatnib's most sacred site is Gara in Hungary.

Pakhatnib's Holy Commandments

1. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Run away if six foxes approach from the west.

3. Always help sick monkeys.

4. Never write about the strong nuclear force.

5. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.