Flowbarnpig is a god.

It takes the form of a fat, almighty chinchilla.

Flowbarnpig created light three trillion years ago.

If you believe in Flowbarnpig, it will give you great power.

If you do not believe in Flowbarnpig, it will throw large rocks at you.

Flowbarnpig's most sacred site is Questenberg in Germany.

Flowbarnpig's Holy Commandments

1. Never write about the weak nuclear force.

2. Run away from violet tapirs, for they are unholy.

3. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

4. Flowbarnpig loves turtles, so they must be honoured.

5. Do not listen to heathen tongues.