Rutsinparkbem is a god.

He takes the form of a five thousand metre long, contented goat.

Rutsinparkbem created vertebrates five billion years ago.

If you believe in Rutsinparkbem, he will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Rutsinparkbem, he will say rude things about you at parties.

Rutsinparkbem's most sacred site is Ifaty in Madagascar.

Rutsinparkbem's Holy Commandments

1. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

2. Always help horses in need.

3. Pray towards the west.

4. Do not kill pigs.

5. Never laugh in the presence of tapirs.