Japflatzan is a god.

It takes the form of an exceedingly fat, staggering monkey.

Japflatzan created the planet Saturn five thousand years ago.

If you believe in Japflatzan, it will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Japflatzan, it will turn you into a worm.

Japflatzan's most sacred site is Gorbio in France.

Japflatzan's Holy Commandments

1. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

2. Do not speak about pineapples.

3. Always help sick turtles.

4. Always make sure there are no grasshopers in a building before entering it.

5. Do not jump in public.