Jabpangbig is a god.

He takes the form of a giant, blissful spider.

Jabpangbig created a quark four quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Jabpangbig, he will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Jabpangbig, he will turn you into a duck.

Jabpangbig's most sacred site is Auvillar in France.

Jabpangbig's Holy Commandments

1. Erect a large tin sculpture of Jabpangbig on top of all buildings.

2. Never laugh in holy places.

3. Always stare at clouds.

4. Always help squirrels in need.

5. Walk at least seven thousand metres per day.