Quimyatstik is a god.

She takes the form of a plump, unsympathetic gorilla.

Quimyatstik created tapeworms three billion years ago.

If you believe in Quimyatstik, she will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Quimyatstik, she will turn you into a duck.

Quimyatstik's most sacred site is Troms in Norway.

Quimyatstik's Holy Commandments

1. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

2. Quimyatstik loves geese, so they must be honoured.

3. Never think about amino acids.

4. Do not speak about cherries.

5. Always make sure there are no sharks in a building before entering it.