Zanponnarllarg is a god.

He takes the form of a six hundred metre long, stupid bird.

Zanponnarllarg created a quark eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Zanponnarllarg, he will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Zanponnarllarg, he will cry a lot.

Zanponnarllarg's most sacred site is Mogonono in Botswana.

Zanponnarllarg's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about fire.

2. Ants are not to be trusted.

3. Pray towards the west.

4. Do not commit murder.

5. Always treat mites with great respect.