Bepbonnultan is a god.

He takes the form of a heavy, dishonourable hedgehog.

Bepbonnultan created life six quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Bepbonnultan, he will make you lucky.

If you do not believe in Bepbonnultan, he will send twenty eight swans to peck you to death.

Bepbonnultan's most sacred site is Monong in Botswana.

Bepbonnultan's Holy Commandments

1. Always look after injured manatees.

2. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

3. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Bepbonnultan.

4. Do not fashion models of living things.

5. Fast once a month.