Wotjenxuck is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely thin, duplicitous turtle.

Wotjenxuck created time and space three billion years ago.

If you believe in Wotjenxuck, she will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Wotjenxuck, she will send you a strongly worded letter.

Wotjenxuck's most sacred site is Gorslas in Wales.

Wotjenxuck's Holy Commandments

1. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Wotjenxuck.

2. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

3. Never play with disobedient children.

4. Never talk about fire.

5. Never wear black skirts.