Veengenster is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely fat, idiotic porpoise.

Veengenster created life six trillion years ago.

If you believe in Veengenster, it will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Veengenster, it will say rude things about you at parties.

Veengenster's most sacred site is Vambupet in India.

Veengenster's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about the weak nuclear force.

2. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

3. Never jump near cats.

4. Always make a point of helping unfortunate goats.

5. Never think about horizontal gene transfer.