Hatgumtik is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly fat, overgenerous squirrel.

Hatgumtik created the Sun eight thousand years ago.

If you believe in Hatgumtik, he will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Hatgumtik, he will turn you into a hamster.

Hatgumtik's most sacred site is Quenstedt in Germany.

Hatgumtik's Holy Commandments

1. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

2. Never look in ponds.

3. Never write about horizontal gene transfer.

4. Never write about the weak nuclear force.

5. Never sing near geese.