Zedgumlarn is a god.

He takes the form of a very small, compassionate gerbil.

Zedgumlarn created tapeworms two years ago.

If you believe in Zedgumlarn, he will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Zedgumlarn, he will sneak up behind you and tap you on the back.

Zedgumlarn's most sacred site is Penpont in Scotland.

Zedgumlarn's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink water in violet rooms.

2. Always wear gray.

3. Do not listen to music.

4. Never write about gravity.

5. Do not trade with those who eat cucumbers.