Zestvolhak is a god.

He takes the form of a small, unjust tapir.

Zestvolhak created the cosmos four trillion years ago.

If you believe in Zestvolhak, he will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Zestvolhak, he will destroy your favourite star.

Zestvolhak's most sacred site is Bokaa in Botswana.

Zestvolhak's Holy Commandments

1. Do not stand on grass.

2. Hide from red dogs for they are unholy.

3. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

4. Never hurt bats.

5. Never eat green fruit.