Bifingzan is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely heavy, uncaring chinchilla.

Bifingzan created the planet Saturn twelve years ago.

If you believe in Bifingzan, he will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Bifingzan, he will attempt to scare you with earthquakes.

Bifingzan's most sacred site is Monong in Botswana.

Bifingzan's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat onions.

2. Do not cook food in pots.

3. Look mercifully on unfortunate tapirs.

4. Erect three lead sculptures of Bifingzan on top of important buildings.

5. Never jump in the presence of tortoises.