Cumgatlen is a god.

She takes the form of an exceedingly fat, effective penguin.

Cumgatlen created the Sun three billion years ago.

If you believe in Cumgatlen, she will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Cumgatlen, she will send twenty eight swans to peck you to death.

Cumgatlen's most sacred site is Thimmanaickenpalayam in India.

Cumgatlen's Holy Commandments

1. Never paint your hands turquoise.

2. Do not listen to music.

3. Do not shave your legs.

4. Never bounce in holy places.

5. Never sing near tapirs.