Hubwipcut Taplatnighom is a god.

He takes the form of a heavy, witless tapir.

Hubwipcut Taplatnighom created a bottom quark nine million years ago.

If you believe in Hubwipcut Taplatnighom, he will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Hubwipcut Taplatnighom, he will turn you into a rat.

Hubwipcut Taplatnighom's most sacred site is Rautio in Finland.

Hubwipcut Taplatnighom's Holy Commandments

1. Always look after injured grasshopers.

2. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Hubwipcut Taplatnighom.

3. Run away from mauve snakes, for they are unholy.

4. Run away if seven ducks approach from the west.

5. Do not drink water in blue rooms.