Jannillap Rullcimnar is a god.

It takes the form of a fat, kind pig.

Jannillap Rullcimnar created an up quark seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Jannillap Rullcimnar, it will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Jannillap Rullcimnar, it will turn you into a rat.

Jannillap Rullcimnar's most sacred site is Iskmo in Finland.

Jannillap Rullcimnar's Holy Commandments

1. Always stare at clouds.

2. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

3. Always pray immersed in water.

4. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

5. Never talk about fire.