Kimkaphak is a god.

She takes the form of a massive, merciful lobster.

Kimkaphak created the Sol system six trillion years ago.

If you believe in Kimkaphak, she will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Kimkaphak, she will turn you into a goat.

Kimkaphak's most sacred site is Manamedu in India.

Kimkaphak's Holy Commandments

1. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Kimkaphak.

2. Manatees are not to be trusted.

3. Do not wear fawn clothing.

4. You must never eat figs.

5. Never bounce in holy places.