Vogwikvagvannurtdan is a god.

She takes the form of a two thousand metre long, pitiless whale.

Vogwikvagvannurtdan created bats seven million years ago.

If you believe in Vogwikvagvannurtdan, she will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Vogwikvagvannurtdan, she will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Vogwikvagvannurtdan's most sacred site is Buskerud in Norway.

Vogwikvagvannurtdan's Holy Commandments

1. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

2. Always make sure there are no porpoises in a building before entering it.

3. Never bounce in the presence of aardvarks.

4. Show mercy to disobedient children.

5. Do not covet oxen.