Barnfobhamstrag is a god.

He takes the form of a massive, tranquil crab.

Barnfobhamstrag created carbon five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Barnfobhamstrag, he will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Barnfobhamstrag, he will say rude things about you at parties.

Barnfobhamstrag's most sacred site is Gohrau in Germany.

Barnfobhamstrag's Holy Commandments

1. Do not shave your legs.

2. Never pour water over plants.

3. Never play with disobedient children.

4. Worship no other gods but Barnfobhamstrag.

5. Never eat figs.