Shavflapjan Targtanvol Zakwanwit is a god.

She takes the form of a very large, stupid dove.

Shavflapjan Targtanvol Zakwanwit created time and space five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Shavflapjan Targtanvol Zakwanwit, she will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Shavflapjan Targtanvol Zakwanwit, she will turn you into a rat.

Shavflapjan Targtanvol Zakwanwit's most sacred site is Nanjie in China.

Shavflapjan Targtanvol Zakwanwit's Holy Commandments

1. You must pray to Shavflapjan Targtanvol Zakwanwit six times a day.

2. Erect three silver sculptures of Shavflapjan Targtanvol Zakwanwit on top of important buildings.

3. Never look in ponds.

4. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

5. Do not commit murder.