Xucknurkam Rigruttyik is a god.

She takes the form of a very long, tranquil dog.

Xucknurkam Rigruttyik created matter three million years ago.

If you believe in Xucknurkam Rigruttyik, she will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Xucknurkam Rigruttyik, she will send twenty eight swans to peck you to death.

Xucknurkam Rigruttyik's most sacred site is Mogonono in Botswana.

Xucknurkam Rigruttyik's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat bark.

2. Porpoises are not to be trusted.

3. Do not shave your chest.

4. Never play with disobedient children.

5. Do not drink alcohol.