Batfetquart is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely fat, temperamental goblin.

Batfetquart created a strange quark two quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Batfetquart, it will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Batfetquart, it will turn you into a duck.

Batfetquart's most sacred site is Manna in Greece.

Batfetquart's Holy Commandments

1. Erect a large nickel sculpture of Batfetquart on top of all buildings.

2. Never eat bark.

3. Always take life seriously.

4. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

5. Do not kill snakes.