Batlanbom is a god.

It takes the form of a very fat, ruthless naga.

Batlanbom created dark energy five billion years ago.

If you believe in Batlanbom, it will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Batlanbom, it will turn you into a mole.

Batlanbom's most sacred site is Bogogobo in Botswana.

Batlanbom's Holy Commandments

1. Batlanbom loves ants, so they must be respected.

2. Always treat mites with great respect.

3. Erect a large silicon sculpture of Batlanbom on top of all buildings.

4. Do not shave your face.

5. Do not wear black clothing.