Xennibhivpin is a god.

He takes the form of a gargantuan, unthoughtful snail.

Xennibhivpin created gold nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Xennibhivpin, he will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Xennibhivpin, he will turn you into a slug.

Xennibhivpin's most sacred site is Goldcliff in Wales.

Xennibhivpin's Holy Commandments

1. Do not stand on grass.

2. Never talk about the strong nuclear force.

3. Look mercifully on unfortunate sharks.

4. Xennibhivpin loves frogs, so they must be respected.

5. Never run in holy places.