Fidbonktar is a god.

He takes the form of a very fat, uncaring jaguar.

Fidbonktar created the Sunflower Galaxy five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Fidbonktar, he will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Fidbonktar, he will send two she bears to sort you out.

Fidbonktar's most sacred site is Uruachi in Mexico.

Fidbonktar's Holy Commandments

1. Do not stand on grass.

2. Do not fashion models of living things.

3. Always treat capybaras with great respect.

4. Fidbonktar must be the most important thing in your life.

5. Always pray in complete darkness.