Wipgetvil is a god.

It takes the form of a planet-sized, emotional squirrel.

Wipgetvil created Europe nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Wipgetvil, it will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Wipgetvil, it will manifest in front of you.

Wipgetvil's most sacred site is Hoddom in Scotland.

Wipgetvil's Holy Commandments

1. You must never eat peanuts.

2. Hide if seven frogs approach from the east.

3. Never write about gravity.

4. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

5. Never paint your head violet.